If you choose to email a question to this forum, then you must conduct yourself accordingly. Therefore, the following rules are in order:

1. Do not write your email to me IN CAPS. If you do so, I will print out your question and do terrible things to it.

2. Do not request a personal e-mail response. Since I get thousands of questions each month, trying to answer them all would cut deeply into my leisure time, which I value more than your current state of confusion.

3. Try to spell at least in a semi-correct fashion. If you choose to mangle the English language, expect no mercy from this quarter. You might be mocked severely.

4. Do not ask for me to send you copies of my many manuals and literature. I am not in the library business, nor do I want to spend the bulk of my day at the copy machine just because you're too lazy to ask your dealer,  or look around a bit.

5. Don't bother me with truly stupid questions, like how to get 50 more horsepower for a buck and a half

6. Now that you know the rules, think carefully and have at it!

Oh yes … I’ll leave your e-mail unedited, for what it’s worth.

Send your questions to editor@off-road.com, Attn: Don't Ask.

Previous Don’t Ask Columns:
January 2015

December 2014

November 2014

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SUBJECT: THE GOOD OLD DAYS
As a kid who could not drive Yet, I went across the river to a bigger than             normal MX race...It was the 76 125 nationals at Polka Dots MC club in Midland   Michigan, after practice a red headed kid asked me about fishin the river along the track. We hooked and released a bunch of bass, The next day this same kid had a 28 second lead in the first moto!! over the likes of marty smith, bob hannah, bruce McDougal , capt cobalt, jammin jimmy, koji Masuda, danny laporte,.....the kid..Danny Magoo Chandler!!!!
 
That is how the next 35 years of racing Dist 14 michigan Mafia, from the florida winter series, the good time nationals, ponca city, muddy creek....My parents saw they were not going to be able to break me...sent me to the 76 and 77 Suzuki school of MX..Mark Blackwell Wayne Boyer,Danny Laporte....instructors....Also a lot of help from one of the early traveling MX instructors.. Russ Darnell MX schools...
 
Learned the proper techniques brought over to the states by Edison Dye, Thorson Hallman, and all the Europeans who ventured west in search of early start money and of course Mr and Mrs Brad Lackey...for bringing a sport of family , camping out , a work ethic, and the commemoratory of fellow riders, there famlies, and friends, I would not change a thing in my life...# weeks post op on my 2nd hip revision and 14th surgery...from training and racing, the goal...pain free, my retirement date is 1/1/15...and looking forward to the vet classes across the USA..and thank you all for the great and very fond memories u gave me and we r all now sharing on Fb.....

Kirk Sutliff

Exactly. The kids who are starting to ride dirt bikes in this day and age think that all they have to do is learn how to jump. So they go out with their buddies, find jumps and promptly get hurt real bad. At this point, many riding careers are over. And rightfully so. I’d really like to see us get back to genuine motocross tracks and real riding skills instead of learning to jump like a circus freak.

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SUBJECT:  DIRT VS MXA WAY BACK THEN
Ive been a reader and fan of Dirt Bike magazine since the 70's. I could not wait to read "From the Saddle" every month. Those stories always made me laugh out loud! Then one year, after the start up of MXA magazine, a close buddy of mine and fellow dirtbiker showed me an article in MXA magazine. Jody Wiesel had written an April Fools version of Rick's column "From the Saddle."
 
I couldn't wait until I received my next copy of Dirt Bike as I was certain Rick was going to unleash with both barrels. I received my copy and I wasn't disappointed. Rick came back with a version of "Jody's Box" calling it Judy's Box and the rest left me literally gasping for air. If anyone finds this article and was around in the mid 80's, you had better be sitting down when you read it.
 
Thanks Super Hunky for making me laugh all these years. On a side note, I caved in to my 14 year old daughter nagging me to let her read Monkey Butt. I can always tell when she is reading it, by the hysterical laughs coming from her room.
Chris Colelli
 

 
 
JUDY’S BOX

By Rick Sieman/April 1984/Dirt Bike

(A bit of background is in order here. With Dirt Bike the number one mag at Hi-Torque, we were in constant competition with Motocross Action , which was being run by Jody Weisel at the time. Jody and I had plenty of run-ins at the track, as well as trying to out-scoop each other in print. I also never really like his writing style, especially in his columns, where everything was I , me and my . Also, he rarely rode or tested anywhere but at Saddleback Park. So, in the April issue, I decided to do a bit of a spoof on his column, titled “Jody's Box.” What follows is satire. Sort of.)

“Did I win?” I asked Fred Finger after I collapsed into the Judychair under the Judy-awning, which was parked right next to the Judymobile.

Jimmy Double Mac interrupted. “Of course you won, Judy. Golly, the way you were quadrupling those triple jumps, why, how could you lose?”

I smiled and unbuckled my Judyboots. They were getting pretty scruffy, so I figured it was about time to have another contest for my adoring readers. Let's see now … what would be a good theme for the contest? Perhaps the boots would go to the reader who could count the number of times Imentioned my name in the same sentence as Gary Jones. No, that would be too time-consuming, and besides, Gary has had enough publicity lately.

Well, that would have to wait. More important things were facing me right now. You see, I had decided to ride 12 classes today at Saddle Whank Park. That would mean 24 45-minute motos. And even for a guy in incredible shape like myself , well, that would be tough.

Like Crazy Dave said, “Wow, Judy, for someone with a broad's name, you sure ride pretty manly.” Personally I have never felt that having a girl's name has slowed me down, especially going up Whanko Hill, one of my favorite sections of Saddle Whank Park.

Which brings me to one of my pet peeves: tracks that are laid out differently from Saddle Whank. Once I rode at a track that turned right at the first turn instead of left, and I took out 70 feet of snow fence and didn't stop until my Pro Circus-equipped Honda seized tighter than Jimmy Double Mac when it's his turn to pay for the shakes and fries after the races.

Anyway, my day of racing here at SaddleWhank Park was not to be an easy one. I was here not only to race an incredible number of grueling motos, but to do a feature story for Judycross Action Magazine, as well.

Willy Monte Jack Bob Floyd told me that there was a guy racing here who was on a totally stock bike. This I couldn't believe! After all, who in their right mind would even consider straddling a bike that didn't have a Pro Circus pipe, a Wheelslip porting job and a Marx Brothers suspen­sion? Not me, for sure.

I spent the spare time I had between motos carefully putting all the latest stickers on my V6000 Bland Brad Nostril Vent protector, making sure that it didn't clash with my all-white boots—bottoms included. Gary Jones looked on with envy as I slipped on the latest fad helmet from Bolivia, with a teak visor and dingleballs hanging from the side. Look fast, go fast, I say.

I thought about what would be facing me today. How would I deal with the quadrinkle jump over on the back side of the track? Should I hit the first one in a cross-up, or merely do a crowd-pleasing pancake? Heck, I could even just jump it straight. Naw, that would be too weird.

Willy Monte Jack Bob Floyd's brother, Philly Joe Frank Nick, came up to me and said, “Say, Judy. There's a new jump over on the back section near the downhill straight. Nobody, but nobody, is trying to make all six of those jumps at one time. Are you gonna be the first to try it?”

I scratched my Judychin thoughtfully and said, “You mean Roger D., the Jammer, Hurricane, the Bomber and the Little Professor haven't tried it yet?”

“Gosh, no, Judy. They're all waiting for someone else to try it first. But no one has the hair.”

I brushed back the locks of my Prince Valiant hairdo and said, ‘Well, if nuthin' else, this Texas boy has hair!”

Gary Jones, Jimmy Double Mac and Goat Breakfast all roared in delight. Good old Judyjokes will get them every time. I made up my mind. Those jumps would be conquered. I headed for the start mentally prepped. The start would mean a lot. If you don't get a good start at Saddle Whank Park, it's tough.

A word about Saddle Whank Park is in order here. A lot of people wonder why I race here all the time. Well, let me tell you, if you don't race here, you'll never make it in the MX world, and that's a fact. How guys like Carlqvist and Malherbe ever managed to snare a factory ride without being a Saddle Whank regular is, quite frankly, beyond me.

Anyway, I lined up in my familiar Judy-slot behind the gate and got ready for action. The gate dropped and I was off. Boy, I got a great start and was really riding smoothly, especially up Whanko Hill, in one of my favorite grooves.

I rode like the wind and pulled out quite a lead over the rest of the field, winding the bike all the way out in second gear on one of the fast back straights. When those killer jumps came up, I just snicked it up a gear and let fly. I sailed for what seemed like forever, doing two cross-ups, four pancakes and a half-dozen hip-kicks during the flight.

Pretty basic stuff for me , but a crowd dazzler to most. Pulling out the stops, I hugged the good lines and mid-range-burst it on the smooth parts. Wow! My bike had low-end torque throughout the range, and I could almost hear the valves float as my Pro-Circus-tuned CR250 came on the pipe.

As I lapped Gary Jones, Martha and Alice Olsen and Hot Sauce Cox, I felt that victory was mine . Yet, right at the checkered flag, a yellow bike slipped by with a medium-height, extremely muscular fellow at the controls.

At first I couldn't figure out who it was. Joel Robert? Jeff Smith? Rolf Tiblin? No. It was none of these.

Instead, it was my nemesis, Super Hunky, who beat me soundly once more. Rats!

I pulled off the track, defeat bitter in my Judymouth, and loaded up the Judybike in the Judytruck … the day at the track ruined.

As I was pulling out of the pits, Super Hunky pulled up next to the Judywindow on the Judytruck, smiled, and said, “Hey, this old square-barrel Maico runs good for a ‘71 bike, doesn't it?”
 
 
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SUBJECT: YAMAHA VINTAGE I.D. GUIDE
You seem to have the secret to this 9 digit VIN hunt. Can you help me? I have a DT100 with the VIN 465-100184.
James Mountfield 

You have a 1974 Yamaha RS 100 which was sold in the US and Canada only.  None were sold in Europe. It was a street legal bike.
 
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SUBJECT:  MORE YAMAHA I.D.
I have a old yamaha 100. 465-006973 is the number. Any kind of info on it or anything would be great. Thanks
Damon
 
Damon, see the letter right above yours. Same-o Same-o.
 
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SUBJECT: A CONFUSED YAMAHA OWNER
I have an yamaha yz 80 I think and the frame number and engine number is 4GT-000644 what year is it?
Mathias Kvien
 
If we could get any sort of information on the bike, we would be miracle workers, as there was no such number listed anywhere in all of our Yamaha literature. Next time you allegedly read the numbers, try to get it right.
  
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SUBJECT: PENTON/KTM MINT 400
The Penton/KTM Mint 400 was about as serious an off-road motorcycle as you could get in 1974. It was expensive as hell, but worth every penny. I raced one back in the day and I can tell you that KTM power plant would be completely competitive with today's bikes. Wish I still had it!
Titus Vorenus

You called that. The first time I rode that Penton/KTM Mint 400, it scared the hell out of me. It was definitely the fastest, most explosive bike I had ever ridden up until that point. I don’t know why it didn’t catch on more, but for some reason it just sort of disappeared. Still, when I look back on it, that had to be one of the greatest bikes ever made.

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SUBJECT:  CUTE GIRL AND UGLY SHIRT
My 20 year old daughter, Daniella, at Ocotillo Wells New Years week....with her Super Hunky T shirt on !!!.... on Dad's trusty 1970 CZ 250cc.  It appears that Rick is out of shirts for 2014.
 
Happy New Years CZ Brothers!!
Gary DeForest

Not quite. I still have a half dozen of t-shirts in Large size. For more info, here’s the website address: http://superhunky.com/store.

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SUBJECT:  NOT EXACTLY A FAN
hey you f******* bozo. Just where you think you can get off telling people that ther bikes are no good or something like that. I don’t see were u were national or Supercross champion so want you just learn to shut your mouth.

Marty
Simi Valley California

I noticed that they teach you how to swear in Simi Valley but not how to write properly. While never being good enough to be any sort of national champion, I had the good fortune to be in charge of various dirt bike magazines for about 40 years, and in the process, I’ve ridden literally thousands of bikes. During this time, I’ve learned how to tell a good bike from a bad one. Now go away.

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SUBJECT: ANOTHER FAN
I see where you have been ragging on the new four-strokes like a madman. For the life of me I can’t figger out why. My last bike (and it was my first bike also) was a Yamaha YZ 490 and let me tell you it was a handful. It vibrated and shook and didn’t handle very well, but it was fast. About a month ago I bought a brand NEW 450 Honda four stroke and I really love the bike. It’s fast and handles well and doesn’t vibrate. So what we have to say about that, you know it all?

Allen M.
Dallas, TX

Absolutely astonishing! You are comparing quite possibly the stupidest YZ ever made to a new 450 four-stroke. Let’s get one thing out of the way rather early, shall we? When it came time to rebuild that 490 two-stroke, it took no more than a few hours and possibly under 100 bucks for a refreshed top-end. Try to do the same thing with your 450 four-stroke, and you won’t be able to do it. Period. Unless you are great mechanic. Which I can safely assume you are not.

So, you’ll have to take it to a shop and when you go into a shop to get the top-end freshened up properly, it will cost you about $3000 more or less. Still excited about your four-stroke now?

The bottom line is that a pro can get 15 hours or so out of the new four-stroke engine, according to their own manual, and about 30 to 40 hours out of it for a normal rider. This is supposed to be a fun sport. The new generation of bikes have taken the fun out of the sport and put the dollar back in. At this point, the YZ 490 isn’t looking quite as bad as it used to.

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SHAMELESS PLUG
My new book, THE LAST RIDE, is at now out. It's fiction and starts in 1969, when an 18-year-old kid just out of high school gets a chance to ride his Yamaha 250 DT1 from Pennsylvania to Los Angeles … all off-road.  His adventures are truly amazing. The book then jumps 40+ years where the same person, now in his 60s, wants to get that old Yamaha back in his possession and return it home by riding it all off-road across the country again. 

The book is $15 plus $2.75 for mail anywhere in the US and for more information, the email is: superhunky@gmail.com.

Paypal address: superhunky@gmail.com
Website: www.superhunky.com