GLAMIS, SO CAL -- Holiday ramblings in the vast, but partially closed Glamis Sand Dunes was put on hold by local and federal Law Dogs over the Thanksgiving Weekend. Pushing in excess of over 150 Law Dogs roaming the sand, it wasn't long before those who rage were confronted by the uniformed law man, bent over and bathed with demonic Eco-Nazi doctrine.

As your friend Crusty says, "You couldn't turn a hoop before you saw the stinging eyes of a local Law Dog." Next to the LA riots, their presence was felt and all laws were enforced. As we entered the Law Dog-ridden territory, we immediately saw the signage announcing the pending closure of both Competition and Oldsmobile hills due to what Mister Law Dog referred to as "overcrowding."

DOUBLE MOTOS:With friends standing by checking the runway, these Glamis boyz check for altitude adjustment as they prepare to land on runway 23 left. Doc and his friends were not far away. This is what it's all about at the Imperial Sand Dunes. Dare to go higher than the person who last performed.

Ummmm, overcrowding is defined as yep, lotsa damn people. But, what the heck do you expect on a raging holiday weekend? Crusty says, that if The Law Dogs are going to be closing down anything, it ought to be the welfare office on the first and the 15th and the Democratic Party Headquarters, when those who attend the welfare office on the above dates vote for their share of our tax dollars and land closures.

Keeping up with their fellow Law Dog Brethren at the Colorado River, the Glamis Mutts passed an ordinance allowing them to close and restrict access to "certain" areas of the dunes. No doubt, there is a crowd of people, but what's Big Brother up to now?

Let's see. They closed half of the dunes because of the milk plant, and then they squeeze 175,000 people in the other half and say, "Go at it." Then, because the crowds are packed so tight, they come up with an Eco-Fart (Eco-Legislation) that says, "We must close off more before these off-roaders get together an pose an opposition. We'll do this for their own protection, because we care."

"Yep, that's government at it's best - under the influence of Liberal Elitists." And to think that we pay these people to do this to us. Yikes!!!

Law Dogs Chomp Down On Holiday Cheer

The Law Dogs were better than Santa Claus. Not only were they early, but they also paid visit to the naughty as well as the nice, spreading true Christmas cheer to those hardworking families out to enjoy their hard-earned weekend with the kids. Crusty calls it Christmas the hard way. You come close to violating any section within the Imperial County ordinance book or California Vehicle and Penal Code, your ass becomes property of the state.

What's this? You say it's typical Christmas Scrooge action in the sand? Nope. Crusty and his entourage of ORC Staffers saw arrests and citations being dealt like candy at Halloween. Peek-a-book'em.

Whether you were driving a motorcycle, quad, buggy or truck, you were game in the eyes of the 150-plus Law Dogs who invaded the Glamis Sand Dunes over Turkey Day. One ORC staffer was stopped and cited for no proof of liability insurance on his quad.

Yep, you have to have liability insurance on your off-road machine while riding at a public location. And those law dogs were handing out court dates left, right, center and straight in the ass.

Making Eye Contact Will Call Upon The Law Dog

The best you could do was to ride slowly and not make eye contact with the Law Dogs. Riding side saddle like a fat subservient wuss and playing putt-putt with the throttle usually got you by without a rectal search by Mister Law Dog. The irony is that if you were riding in that fashion, you deserved a rectal dig by the Law Dog. After all, you were meant for one another.

But as any freedom-loving, tell-the-queen-to-kiss-my-ass-American knows, Freedom comes at a cost, and Mister Law Dog is at the cash register racking up the

But as most of us are Red Blooded Americans in nature, the cost of Freedom came at a hefty cost.

Crusty says, "Big Brother was up my backside, I was blasting down the sand highway in front of some so-so hot So Cal honeys and Mr. Law Dog stopped me in my tracks. He gave me an invitation to a party in the Imperial County Courthouse after the holidays."

Crusty, "That ain't no party." We tried to reason with the runt.

"The latest in enforcement is that everything, well, almost everything, is a no-no on the big weekends. That's no speeding, no insurance, no drinking, no yelling, no nudity."

What? No nudity. Well, Crusty won't take that laying down. Neither will his little Seductive Sand Honey.

FUN IN THE SUN

Team ORC arrived to camp late with bloodshot eyes and visions of a hangover. The rage of the wholesomely friendly campfire was immediately stoked up to identify potential party animals who carried with them offerings of liquid gratification. Captain Morgan himself revealed from the dark shadows of the dunes. With him, his friend Johnny the Walker and some Wild Turkey that put strange looks of disdain on campfire faces until the sun crested the eastern horizon.	Team Extreme was there at Olds Hill with a few cars and demonstrated the pure power and shot gun approach to hill climbs. This beauty will set you back in the seat with authority for a mere 60K. Divide that among the four seats of this babe-magnet buggy, and you're only in the hole 15K. We'd say this ride is worth every penny in action and notoriety you'll receive when piloting through the slopes of your winter getaway.

Another Funco reunion at Oldsmobile HIll. Racer Dave Bowles was whisked away for a high-speed ride by the owner of Funco.	Keith and Jake had it all going on and kept up with the big boys all day long in their two-seat sand buggy.

Well, both Friday and Saturday saw big closures at some of the best locations. The sand drags didn't last for long either day and both hills were shut down.

The weekend following Turkey Day was quiet, but still a few signs of Big Brother floating around. A couple rangers sat at the bottom of Competition Hill and ORC staffers questioned them about the enforcement budget cuts just handed down, and they chuckled, saying, "We'll be here." Then, they looked at each other in amore official tone, turned to us and said, "We have no comment."

Speed Racer David Bowles jacked the 4-Seat into first and dropped the clutch. The buggy got some lifted wheel and roosted out of there with the rangers picking sand from their face.

GLAMIS SENIORITY: Between this "young" crowd, they accumulate 100+ years of Glamis fun. The so-called icons of the dunes, these guys put in more time at Glamis than most people put in at work. From left to right. Rager, Bad-Ass, Big Cat, Baja Bullet and Baja Tank.

Seniority Rules

Guys like Baja Tank and the infamous Baja Bullet spend all their time floating back and forth between Baja and Glamis. For over 30 years, these off-roading icons have led the charge of having fun before this place ever got famous. Keith has been a fixture in Glamis for over 35 years and has seen the tide change from fun to craziness during the past few years. Baja Tank acknowledged the need for some control in the dunes and had a book of ideas. We support Baja Tank for Governor of the Glamis Dunes based on his book of ideas. Baja Tank is the main dude at Shourtz Racing Team and both of his pit monkey's grew up spewing sand out of their diapers. But now they both tread the sand at over a buck ten in the wild high performance 4-seat they built from the ground up. Between them all they have over 100+ years of combined Glamis raging under their belts. Often arriving late in the night, finding their way has never been a problem. Camping at a sweet location not far from the festivities and away from the crowds, the Shourtz Racing Team has got it all going on.

Show and Shine-Funco Style

Dr. Funco shows off his high-power Funco machine. His expertise is hauling ass!!!	A Funco reunion and fun at Glamis. Raging the dunes with max horsepower.

Red, White and Blue are the theme colors this year in Glamis. Osama bin Laden would dare to show his mug in Glamis...can you say "riot."	The Doc has a clean Funco machine and he's got alot of time and cashola into this ride. The Doc makes regular visits to Glamis...he makes an impression.

We found the Funco crew raising cane at Oldsmobile Hill on the Sunday after the holidays. With ten or eleven vehicles in line, they snaked a trail along the biggest and baddest dunes ending up at Oldsmobile Hill for some show and shine for ORC. The Shourtz Race Team #1 driver was whisked away into Funco's #1 ride and they put the pedal to the metal in some high-speed fun. But to no avail, race car driver David Bowles, very experienced at 24 years-old, cruised riding shotgun as they force fed the gasoline through the powerful Mazda turbo charged motor. Just another day at the Glamis Sand Dunes in Southern California. They were all smiles as they parked in running order.

Lights, Camera, Action-Glamis, California
	PEACE & QUIET: ORC staffers visited Glamis before and after the raging occurred at Thanksgiving Weekend. People are fun, but it was epic dune riding in the Shourtz Racing Team 4-Seat buggy with the crowds missing in action. Baja Tank jammed us down deep and steep bowls and the thumper motor jacked us out and over the top each time. Featuring 20" inches of travel front and back, this car is an all around bad-ass dune car. He chauffeured us around for hours on Sunday as we stopped to video and shoot photos. Then back to camp for a feast of chow hosted by the king check writer of the Shourtz Racing Team, Mom Bowles, also knows as Mitzi. As the Team Manager, she keeps everyone in line at camp, at home and in the dunes.

COMPETITION HILL: It was late Sunday morning and a small crowd of 20 quads and motorcycles gathered at the base of Competition Hill. With no rangers in sight and no signs of the National Guard heading to close the hill, the boyz and girlz grabbed throttle up Competition Hill in standard Glamis style. Moments later, the arrival of two rangers at Comp Hill put everyone on their heels. ORC contacted the Law Dogs and again questioned them about their pending budget cuts for the Imperial Sand Dunes, and they officially said, "no comment." That's nice...........................

As the New Year arrives, beware that the Head Law Dogs are fixing to enforce many more laws in the future. And if they can't find more, they'll invent more. However, with the budget cuts and the vast amount of people at the dunes, be cool, have fun and rage the dunes. Crusty says, "Bust it out my friends."